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While every relationship is unique, they all tend to follow a similar course of events. After meeting someone for the first time, you develop a crush and feel excited about the prospect of a potential romantic spark between you two. You may also feel a little awkward, uncomfortable, or nervous about the dynamic. Over time, as you continue dating them, you'll enter the famous honeymoon phrase, where the other person consumes the bulk of your daily thoughts. Eventually, you'll move into a period of uncertainty, as you try and determine whether or not your relationship is built to last. And if you do decide to stay together, you'll find yourselves in a mutual partnership, defined by your love and respect for one another. However, these periods are just references points; ultimately, how you move through each of the stages of a relationship will depend on you and your partner.
Oftentimes, it can be difficult to know which stage you're in. For example, if you're faced with doubts about the dynamic, does that mean you've exited the honeymoon phase and entered the uncertainty stage? It depends. Typically, the awkward stage (the first phase of a relationship) only lasts a few weeks. Once you've started seeing your partner on a semi-regular basis and feel more comfortable with them, you'll enter the honeymoon phase, which experts say can last anywhere from six months to a year. When you eventually leave this period of constant bliss and head into the next stage, uncertainty, you'll likely stay in it for one to two years before landing in the final two phases: intimacy and partnership.
Meet the Expert
- Nora DeKeyser is a relationship and dating coach and former matchmaker.
- Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., is a dating coach and tenured professor of relational communication at California State University at Fullerton.
- Molly Burrets, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and an adjunct professor at University of Southern California.
- Kailen Rosenberg is the founder and CEO of The Love Architects®, a matchmaking firm.
Below, four experts break down each of these five stages, offering tips on how to approach them in order to ensure you're building a healthy dynamic.
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Stage One: Awkwardness
While some chance encounters result in instant chemistry, there's typically an initial awkwardness to slough off before the first date—and even during it. The start of a potential relationship can include a lot of uncertainty, as you try to determine whether the other person likes you or not. Even if you're experiencing strong feelings, this initial stage can be difficult to navigate. "Both parties are nervous, overthinking, and worried it is going to be 'another' wasted date with someone they don't connect with," says Nora DeKeyser, a relationship and dating coach.
How to Approach This Stage
Even if you're unsure about whether to continue seeing the other person after your first date, DeKeyser encourages you to be open to it. "Always go on a second or third date because most people don't represent themselves fully in the first few dates," she says. "After this stage, things get less awkward, and you can finally start feeling comfortable around the other person."
Stage Two: Attraction
Once you've endured the awkwardness of your first and second date, you enter the next stage: the attraction or honeymoon stage. Marked by constant bliss, you may find yourself frequently thinking or daydreaming about the other person. "The honeymoon phase is defined by the presence of intense infatuation," says Molly Burrets, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor at the University of Southern California. "The feeling of 'falling in love' is marked by a flood of dopamine to the brain—the exact same neurotransmitter responsible for drug-induced euphoria."
How to Approach This Stage
While you may be excited about your new romantic connection, proceed cautiously. Due to the flood of dopamine to your brain, you may be more likely to overlook red flags. As a result, Burrets cautions against making any long-term commitments to your partner while in this stage. Instead, focus on having conversations that continue to explore your potential compatibility. And while it's easy to try to become everything your crush desires, stay true to yourself, says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., a dating coach and tenured professor of relational communication. Remember: This person likes you for you. If you can't be yourself with them, the dynamic isn't built to last.
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Ippei Naoi / Getty Images
Stage Three: Uncertainty
At some point, in any relationship, doubts will emerge, as you start to debate whether the dynamic is one for the long haul. Maybe you have constantly conflicting schedules or struggle to effectively communicate with one another. This stage is marked by uncertainty about the future of your relationship. Depending on how you approach this phase, you and your partner could grow closer or drift apart. However, as you work through the challenges of life, such as illnesses, career changes, or family dynamics, your relationship also has the potential to gain greater meaning, Burrets says.
How to Approach This Stage
When you feel unsure or uncertain about some aspect of your dynamic, speak to your partner about it. "Make sure that you're asking questions and having deeper conversations with your partner," Suwinyattichaiporn says. "Don't shy away from harder topics like sex, money, and family planning." Know that what you say and how you act has the potential to impact your partner at this phase in your relationship. "During this time, partners are at risk of sustaining hurtful emotional wounds resulting from conflicts related to uncertainty," Burrets says.
Instead of avoiding these conflicts, use them as opportunities to learn and grown—even if that means ending the relationship, says Kailen Rosenberg, the founder and CEO of a matchmaking firm. "This is a phase that can quickly reveal the reality that perhaps this is not your person," she adds. If you're unsure of whether to classify something as simply a bump in the road or a blatant sign that a relationship needs to end, consider whether you feel isolated and alone, DeKeyser says. Ask yourself: Is this someone who wants to work through the "hard stuff" with you? If not, they're likely not your person.
Stage Four: Intimacy
As your relationship turns serious, you and your partner may become more intimate with one another. While you may assume this is in reference to your physical connection, in this stage, it refers to vulnerability. You may start to reveal aspects of yourself to your partner that you tend to hide from the outside world. "During this stage, we develop greater acceptance of our partner’s shortcomings (and our own!)," Burrets says. However, as you begin to understand each other's insecurities, you may also find yourself growing even closer to your partner. "You are realizing that what you have is deeper than 'fun, exciting, and sexy,'" DeKeyser says. "It is a bond and trust that keeps you together."
How to Approach This Stage
During this stage, you may experience a decline in you and your parter's sex life, Burrets says. It's a common challenge couples face during this phase. However, an unsatisfying sex life is not inevitable, she says. "In fact, an intentional effort to experience novelty together can create even deeper intimacy than is possible early in a relationship," she adds. Avoid becoming complacent during this phase. "This is where some people get 'too comfortable' in the relationship and stop dating their partner," Suwinyattichaiporn says. "There is a difference between comfort and taking them for granted." Make sure to set aside time for regular date nights—even if that just means cooking dinner or watching a movie together.
Stage Five: Partnership
When you've reached the partnership stage of your relationship, you've typically been together for a few years. By this point, you've developed a deep bond and are a large presence in one another's lives, Burrets says. While you may have endured some highs and lows, you've ultimately landed in a place of mutual respect and understanding. "This is where you know and acknowledge that you're in it for the long haul," Suwinyattichaiporn says. During this phase, you two may decide to take a more serious step, such as moving in together, getting engaged, or simply committing to a long-term partnership.
How to Approach This Stage
Consider approaching this phase like the previous one: Avoid taking your partner for granted. Attend to the wellbeing of your relationship—while still maintaining your own sense of self, Burrets says. Even though you've known your partner for a while, continue to prioritize healthy communication, voicing your needs and expectations. And while you may miss aspects of the honeymoon stage, try not to get caught up in what once was. "Focus on growing together rather than chasing the sparks you used to have in the past," Suwinyattichaiporn says.